If you decide to date in France there are 10 crucial things about which you must be aware.
1. If a Frenchman asks for your number, he will call you. Its not a matter of politeness, he will call. True fact. You don't need to wonder, or wait by the phone, if he asks for your number he plans on calling you the next day. Or the next hour. If you don't want to hear from him, don't give your number. Be prepared to have to answer why. Being blunt is ok. An "I won't respond to you" will do it. He might try and convince you anyways. But if you want him to have your number, he'll use it. This is always true.
2. The first date is the first date in a long term relationship. Re-read it again. You probably have to. I did. You might be thinking, "how could this be? That doesn't make any sense? What if you don't like the person?" Well, as it turns out with most things French, this way is better. There is no room for games, or anticipation, we americans can't fathom it because its too simple for us. The United States culture makes us grow up with the notion of having to "experience different people," "search for the one," even if we are happy with the person we are with at the present moment. We are always looking. Not here! If someone makes you happy,
c'est tout! Thats it! You are dating. And I suppose the question is, why not? Why do we always have to be looking? It is what it is. When you don't want to date the person anymore, you just stop calling. Call it stupid all you want, but in actuality its simple, straight forward, and honest.
3. The "talks" that every girl hates, anticipates, and initiates, are non-existant. So don't ask questions. Just go with the flow. If you do, you'll be wined and dined, and who doesn't want that? The truth is, since no "talk" happens, it is possible, in theory to date more than one person. What usually ends up happening, though, is by some point, you spend too much time with one person to see anyone else.
Inevitably, he'll introduce you as "
son copine," his girlfriend, as opposed to "
une copine," a friend. Or, you'll get introduced as "
son amour," his love, which is invariably somewhere in-between the two, like a friend with benefits. Literally - his love(r). I promise, at some point, you'll get called all three. And then you'll know! Or just ask. But they'll think its weird.
When in doubt, ask to meet the friends. This is all very clear to the French girls. I don't know how. They never wonder about relationship statuses!
4. The French don't have a term for "dating" or for "hooking-up..." not even in slang. This is very much in conjunction with #3, but the moral is to not label anything in front of the French. Save terms for your american friends, or be prepared to either be laughed at, or be looked at in disbelief of the complexity of the american dating scene.
5. Many men, due to the wonderful films released at home (sarcasm noted) believe all american girls are from the movies and immediately decide that we are easy. This is a constant war. If you prove you are not easy (unlike so many), you will land a keeper. Sometimes it takes the guys a little while to figure you out. In the meantime, the road to proving this is war. And war is war. Though you'll probably end up winning the war in the end, don't forget to win each battle because the spoils are the best - even if they're a secret. A scarf, a t-shirt, a hat, whatever. A scarf. Did I say a scarf? The spoils are yours. Revel in them.
6. Texting is almost non-existant. Except for "
la flirte," which does translate literally, so its self explanatory. In retrospect, this is as it should be! Guys will occasionally text you to see if you're available if you respond, they will instantaneously pick up the phone and call, quickly followed by an "I am interrupting?" Plans are always made via phone call.
7. Spontaneity is a must. French men never plan in advance. If you don't hear from him in a while, it just means he's not free -not that he's ignoring you, or doesn't like you anymore, or you should worry you did something wrong, or anything of the sort. Chances are, around 8:33pm, as soon as you've sat down to do your homework, you'll receive a text message asking if you are free for drinks. You only hear from them the moment they are free. Schedules? Out the window. Plans happen at the very moment. One moment at a time.
8. Its weird if the girl pays for any part of a date. Its weirder if she offers. So don't. Its not rude, its just that chivalry is not dead and that's how things are done here. If you offer to pay, they'll be offended and worry that you want to exercise woman's rights and equality and immediately back down. And then you're stuck paying. So just don't even blink when its pay time.
9. DO NOT. I repeat. DO NOT over-analyze anything said to you. The French say
exactly what they feel and what they want in every moment. Complete bluntness. No games or tricks. And don't be surprised at the things said. No filters, and extreme feelings! Rumors and stereotypes, for the most part, hold true!
10. In New York, if you see a well-dressed man, especially at NYU, you assume he's gay. Here, assume he's as French as they get and you're lucky! Incredible fashion sense here. It just means that he's about to show you a thing or two about fashion. His advice will be good. The best, actually. Because go figure. French men would know more about fashion than even american woman.
These are the 10 important things to know. There are, of course, other subtleties, but the biggest one to keep in mind s that mostly, there is nothing subtle, shy, timid, about the French at all! Everything about Paris makes it the city of love. The history, the charm, the wine, the art, the monuments. Even the sky is more vast and air is fresher and more exciting. And everyone knows it. Especially the French...they try to use it to their advantage. Its not manipulative, its genius. So let them do their thing.
Dating in Paris is a whole other world and its very odd for us girls to be thrown into it. We come from such an overly complicated and over-dramatcized, lack of passion environment that its mind-blowing to be placed in this one!
Back to studying........
